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Being that in the past few months of my life there have been so many drastic changes in my life; I felt it was really neccessary to once again start keeping a journal. I used to keep one before but due to so many other distractions in my life such as the webtv, Layala, Veronica, Boricua College, being so tired from work, dealing with my Father and now Nancy (my new love!!!) ; I really didnt have time to keep up with it. i stiil dont but I realize the inportance of these logs in our family history and future so I will with Creators assistance attempt once again to re-establish this as part of my daily or at least three to four times a week routine.

As a matter of fact the last time I wrote a log Veronica and I were still living together! She has moved out since last September so you can imagine how long its been since I have stopped writing in my Journal. My word processor going down also contributed to my lackadaisical attitude concerning the upkeep of this journal. So let me start at that point where Veronica moved out and take you up to the present day whereupon I have found a new love in my life; Nancy! But first; here is a list of major events that has happened since my last log:
1. Veronica moves out to her mothers; takes Lallie Our relationship was taking a turn for the better. Veronica had realized that the committment of marraige had been too much for her. She couldnt make a good wife for me as far as sexually, the cooking the cleaning etc. She was a great mother and all but our love for each other was strictly as friends now that had shared a lot of expieriences together and that was it. Even though at first it hurt me and I thought I had failed once again in establishing a marraige I now understand the Creator's plans for us. The spirit had told us it was time to move on and do different things with our lives. Meet new people and have an immense impact on thier lives as well. We decided that we will always be good friends and raising Layala as mother and father should never end even though we would not be living together.

2.Layala celebrates her 2nd Birthday!

Lallie had her second birthday party today. We invitede Linnette (her aunt, Veronica's sister) her cousins Miliani and Mercedes and Genesis, Gersons daughter. Gerson and his wife came also. My pookie had a great time and I was so proud of her! I love to see her play with other kids, interact and socialize. As an only child I know she misses that and really needs it in her life in order to fully mature and develop properly into adulthood someday. 3.Veronica and I both start attending Boricua College. Veronica attending the one in Manhattan and me going to the one here in Williamsburg; Brooklyn on Graham Ave. I finally got my college education started after 35 years! After 9 years in the milatary and 5 doing sceurity jobs I finally decided to take that plunge into higher education. I felt that I am better than just a "security guard"; that I have so much potential to be whatever it is I want to be. The Creator has blessed me with so much intelligence and the will to learn; it would be a shame to waste that gift!
I will be the first Ruiz to go to college. Hopefully Layala will be next someday!
Boricua College is a nice place to start an education if your a Latino. They will go out of your way to make sure you pass the courses and the classes are at night to work around peoples hectic schedule of work and parenting.
So far I have met many new people. My facilitator Mr. Suarez is very cool and he really wants to help his people make it in this society. I admire him and wish to emulate him in many ways as we have many things in common such as family man, father, Latino, socially active, teacher etc. He is a hidden hero. A non glamorized role model for all Latinos today and I will be honored to tell my daughter stories about him one day!
As Mr. Suarez the teachers/Professors are all out to achieve one main goal and that is to gradute as many students as possible. They are really there for us and almost to a fault really want us to pass. They are very knowledgeable, hard-working and determined for the most part.
The students on the other hand.....most of them dont really seem to appreciate the oppotunities given to them. They dont realize how much harder other colleges are. I remember going to Manhattanville College when Veronica was there and seeing how stressed out a lot of those students were! They dont put much effort or pride into there work and it seems like they are there just as an easy way to get a degree. Some good looking women, but their minds and souls are so polluted with vanity and materialism that after a while they become unattractive despite there outward appearance!

3a. I no longer believe that Jesus of Nazereth was the Sopn of God or the Savior/Messiah. I have done extensive research, found too many contradictions in the new testament as well as the over-all King James version of the Bible that has disproved its validity in my eyes. Veronica agrees and we will not teach this Jesus/Yahawashai to our daughter ever! 4.I do well on my mid-terms. Except for Algebra which I eventually I drop out of.
5.Veronica and I both passed our first semester and get ready for the next
6.I meet and fall in love with a girl name Nancy.
7.Veronicas start talking seriously with Deigo a guy she met on an Astrology chatline on the web.

Friday May 7, 1999

Today after work I went to pick up Nancy. She works at night at a Law firm on State Street rifght down from the American Indian Museum and across from the Staten Island ferry. My partner Waterman gave me a ride down there; Damm what a pain in the ass this guy is! He always mumblin and then he gets lost even though this was the second time he gave me a ride down there! I couldnt wait to get away from him. I appreciate the ride and all but, I couldnt take much more of that. I even thought about him givin us a ride home but hes such a pain in the ass; he'd probably get on Nancy's nerves as well. Besides the train being more slower that means I get to spend more time with my baby. When I got there the security guard some old West Indian brother named Tony had a real attitude. He saw me coming locked the doors and left! He came back in about 10 minutes and by then a whiote boy had been also waiting and Oh Boy was he pissed! When Tony finally lets us in he gave him a piece of his mind! Anyway it seems like Tony is acting like a bitch now being that Nancy didnt give him any play and instead is seeing me. Anyhow I ignored Tonys demons and went upstairs. My baby was typing doing her thing. She looked as lovely as the last time I saw her. She broke my heart when she told me that she might have to move to either N. Carolina or Washington DC in order to get away from denis her ex who is insistent that they get back together again. He is virtually obessed with that idea and she feels really uneasy about it. I suggested her moving in with me and she loves the idea but my father being there in my house with his drug addiction bothers her and I cant say that I dont blame her! I was going to kick him out anyway being that the whole idea was foir him to get in a rehab program or Detox. Its been over a month already and he has done absolutly nothing. So now that Nancy has this problem I want him out more than ever! I'll probably be changing the locks real soon and lock his ass out, take his clothes to Louies his brothers. I know that if I ask him to leave helll refuse and probably get even violent. He has had this attitude now ever since I got a lock put on my bedroom door and put the phone in there, all the knives in the kitchen, my Cds and tapes, celluar phone and 1 inch portable tv and anything else I could think of that he might sell in order to get his fix! He already sold three of my CD's! I hid the knives because he has a history of using them! I hid the phone becuaes I recieved complaints from four people (Gerson, Norman, Veronica and Nancy) saying that he was answering the phone with a big old attitude and hanging up on them! This will probably his last week there. Nancy will be free to move in whenever she wants.

I took Nancy to my house where we spoke for about 3 hours in my room (from 7:oo till 1030) We were kisssin and making each other feel so good in each others arms. She had put on my J&R tee-shirt as a pajama and My God! did she look sexy! Nancy is a combination of Cynthia and Veronica put together. She has Cynthia's passion, fire, sexyness and blackness which I miseed so much in my life. At the same time she has Vertonicas spirituality, common sense, intelligence and patience. What a combination, what a woman! Thank yoo Creator! I was a so hard and it was hard to control myself being that we are going to try and not have sex until after her divorce is final or at least a little further down the road, being that we have known each other onlly a month and been going out for only two weeks. She is so passionate, soft and gentle. She kisses so good and has such a lovely body. I cant wait till that day!

We slept for a while and I got her up at two and took her home. She had a lot of orders (from the oils) to be placed so we coulndt hang out the way we had planned but that was cool because I also had to come up here and see my little lady Layala. When I got here to Manhattan; Layala was eating Lunch. She ahs been eating a lot more now; thank God! She doesnt like baby food anymore. She looked so lovely and she brought a big smile to my face! Vetronica told me more about Deigo, she seems really happy with this guy and Im also very happy for her; because we all need some llove in our lives. Well the rest of the day was non-eventful. Oh I forgot to mention that Nancy exspressed to me her feelings on that if she moved in with me she did not feel at peace with the idea of me coming to stay at Veronicas all these nights. Seeing Lallie was cool but she made a good point in that How would I feel if the situations were reversed and she was the one staying at Denis' overnight just to see there kid (if they had one! I agreed and told her once she moves in that Ill be cutting back on spending nights here.

SATURDAY MAY 8, 1999

Today I got up really early and started my Journal. I also worked on Nancy's website for her oils. That took up pretty much all of my morning. During the afternoon we (Veronica and I) waited for her sister Linnette to show up from White Plains so that we can go to Milani (Veronicas cousins) birthday party. Veronica is crazy about Milani she was her first love almost like her daughtter and Milani really loves her too.
Nancy came by being that she had to get some supplys from 104th St. I was so happy to see her and she was too; I could tell by the glowing smile she had when she saw me coming. I brought her over to see Veronica and Lallie. Veronicas mom and sister were shocked that I brought her up and her mom (Maria) even told Veronica to be careful with friends that they tend to steal other womens men! I guess it was pretty obvious that we had feelings for each other and it showed when we were next to each other. But I didnt care because frankly I could less about Veronica Mom or her sister being that they really dont care much for us either. I hope they get mad and say something stupid so I can cut loose on thier fake, hyprocritical, evil asses!!!
I really missed Nancy as was obvious as I called her back as soon as we got back from the birthday party. Veronica read the Tarot cards for her concerning Denis, her futre and what has happened in the past. The reading was amazingly accurate. I no longer even am suprised about Veronicas readings being so accurate as well as those Tarots. Nancy's reading was over-all good and reassuring that besides some bumpy times ahead her future and hopes, dreams and aspirations will all be achieved.
The party didnt go so well. Those kids are demons just like there parents. Lallie did not to play wioth them and rather be with us. she is so sensitive, delicate and lady-like. She would rather play with herself or a kid that acts calmly than with those maniac kids from Hell!
Veronica and I had a nice talk on the way back home. I really still love her and I told her that. She told me she loves me too still. Our love is a more brotherly/sisterly love now and we are closer today more than ever. I am happy for her and her new love. He seems really cool and seems to love Veronica for her spirit and the person she is. He is young and eager, sort of naive and innocent and I will do anything I can to help them out should and when he comes up here from Florida whcih apperently is in the cards! I havent seen Veronica this happy since we first got together or when she is around Lallie and it is just great to see her with that renewed spirit and life.

Oct. 20, 1999 Hi everybody! Its been a long time since I wrote in my journal so this is going to be an extra long entry!